I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
