Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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