yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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