and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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