Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
