I don't think brook has ever known best
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
