you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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