the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
