I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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