we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
