I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
