I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
