finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
