Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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