Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
