Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
