so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
