In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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