she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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