He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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