I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
