I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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