Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
