I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
