Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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