i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
