Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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