I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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