I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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