hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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