We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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