My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
