I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
