I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
