she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
