Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
my liver is dry heaving
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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