I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't put those talents on a resume
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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