A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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