Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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