His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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