Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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