You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
