Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
