if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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