forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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