dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
