i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
