i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
