I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
