omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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