Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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