Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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