I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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