I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
