I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think a kid would responsible me up
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
