I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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