I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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