you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
