About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
