please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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