in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
