$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
nutella sex= disaster
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
