hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
