She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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