Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't make out with my wife yet
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.