Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.