I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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