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Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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