Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?