speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.