i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
