I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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