apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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