I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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