I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
