I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
