Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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