Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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