put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Please, let me fuck your mom
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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