Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
