He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
