I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
