Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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