I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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