remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
