based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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