In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Duck Duck Cougar?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
