There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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