I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
