I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
